I am gonna flip my grits all over his 13 year old body.  I don't know how I'm going to live to see the day he turns 14.  I really don't.  I don't know how to talk with boys.  I don't know how to get on his level in a way to help him.  I'm at a loss on how to raise him.  Do I just build him a padded room and slide the food under the door and include small bathroom breaks with weekly showertime? Cheese and crackers he drives me up a freakin wall.  I don't get how boys think.  Or how to communicate.  I use long sentences even though I know dang well that four words in he isn't tracking at all.  And yet I'm on a Mommy Soap box and come hell or highwater I'm gonna tear this self righteous teen wide open on this one.  Yes I am.  It doesn't matter if my Inner Voice is giving me a Face Palm because it knows that 99% of my one sided chewing is really getting nowhere.  I'm full steam ahead and you better jump on cuz this crazy train aint stopping.  You know what I learned?  What the real point is?  It's NOT that he thinks he's stupid.  It's not that he's forgotten to turn in 1 page of homework four days in a row after spending two weekends in a row doing 28 pages of incomplete work and corrections.  It's not that he hates every other subject but creative writing and PE.  It's not that he thinks it's appropriate to quote rap battles from youtube any time and place.  It's not that he tells us to shut up every time we talk.  It's not that I can envision myself throwing him on the floor and scaring the bejeesus out of him.  It's not that he freaked out on me that he can't go to college because we are to poor to pay for it for him.  It's not that he is so disprespectful that I'm embarassed to introduce him to people 94% of the time.  It's not that he's too big to bend over my knee and give him a good butt whooping.  It's not that I'm so angry at him that explenetives are flying out of my mouth left and right.  It's not that he thinks he can't get a work permit to get a job when he's 16 because he doesn't think anyone will let him.  It's not that he thinks special ed kids are forced to be segregated and therefore mocked for eternity.  It's not that he refuses to ask questions to help him learn because he thinks it makes him look like an idiot.  It's not any of those things.  You wanna know what it is?  What it REALLY IS??  He doesn't care about anyone other than himself.  That's what it boils down to..    In his world It's All About Him.  That's it.  Our stories in life lessons don't matter. It's all about him and all about him.  He's all that matters.  He's learned how to milk it too.  He starts with the Pity Me and when that doesn't work he switches to Ignoring Me Talking and Rudely Making Faces and/or Saying Inappropriate things.  When I SNAP he resorts to Tears until Mommy Gives Him Sympathy.  Five minutes later?  He's right back to being full on jerk.  No remorse.  Acts like it Never Happened.  I wanna take my hand and smack him right across the face.  So bad.  And than I blink and realize that I can't.  Because it's All About Him.  Remember?  I know he's just trying to Push Buttons and Find His Boundaries.  But Lordy help me child.  As much as I know we have awesome connecting moments (like the Halloween party) there are soo many moments that are SHUTUPANDDOYOURHOMEWORKLIKEI'VEBEENNAGGINGATYOURFORTHEPASTHOUR!! that I want to scream!! Thanks for that Memo when I was Dreaming About Mommyhood.  Thanks for that How To Raise Teenagers Without Throwing Yourself Off The Bridge.  Thanks for the Heads Up on Dealing with your Child when he grows a large sack and thinks it's appropriate to Be The Boss.

As always... thanks for listening.... and letting me know that I'm NOT the only one.  And my teen isn't the only Monster out ther

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    Dear Twin... sometimes words come out of my mouth before my brain has a chance to stop them... well aint that the life...


    Some people make parenting look sooo easy.  They are big fat liar pants.  Parenting is hard.  Kids can be awful.  They don't come with an Instruction Manual.  I started young and have grown up with them.  We have gone through a lot together.  And I would have never been able to do it without the wonderful family I have.  I started blogging because of Twin.  She said that it wasn't nice of me to take a Bad Day out on the Hubby or the Brats.  And so this began.... it's my Rantings From The Time Out Corner... because, let's face it - when I'm full on Cranky Pants... my hubby doesn't fail to make me go Sit One Out for the Team.  (for more see ME above)

    I would like your thoughts, help, comments, feedback. I am not a robot!

    No matter how serious life gets, you still gotta have that one person you can be completely stupid with