I have a doctor appointment at 10 today. I'm a bit nervous about. I shouldn't be, not really. The last time I went was about two years ago. And then I got to come back due to the "irregular pap... nothing to worry yourself about". Butch went with me to the first one. The doctor was younger than him and it made him all the bit more nervous. I told him "Nothing he doesn't see every day... he can stay." I've had "irregulars" before. Normally just something they give you antibiotics for and send you on your way. So Butch didn't come with me. The wasn't like one of those return visits, though. I got to change into the gown. First Red Flag. Than a lady comes in (not my doctor) and starts out with... "Hears my speal that I give everyone. There are three stages of pre-cancerous cervical cells..."  WHAT??? Was the thought in my head as I tried mightily to focus on the rest. How did "irregular" and "nothing to worry about" equals.... "Right now I'm taking a biopsy... might have a little spotting..." She flew in like a whirlwind and right back out with the words "I'll call you in a few days with the results." I walked out to the car in a small fog. I picked up my cell phone and called my Mommy. She barely had a chance to pick up the phone and I was a 5 year old again bawling. Once I got it all out I crawled in the drivers seat and drove across the street (we live maybe four blocks away) where I told my husband everything. "You called your mom fir..." The look on my face cut his charade off mid-stream. I then spent the next few days as I was awaiting the results - googling the heck out of all of the medical terms she gave me. I found out the stages of cervical dysplasia. Since mine got a biopsy that put me in the "mid-level". The results call got me a trip to the Oncologist Dept in Portland. To walk in that waiting room is a humbling experience all in itself. Butch was with me the whole way. He stood right by me and held my hand as I had the LEEP procedure done. It's where they basically slice off the bad cells. When I went in for the follow up they sad that they got them all. And since the insurance company was balking at paying for the procedure... and numerous exams... I got overwhelmed in child rearing and life and procrastinated my way into today's appointment. The past few days I've searched the internet over for "recurring dysplasia" and "success rate of LEEP" and found out that LEEP has a 95% success rate... but that dysplasia can always come back... because bad cells are never all the way gone. It's always heartening to hear a tale of that One Girl that had to have the procedure numerous times over. And to know that 99% of my grandparents and aunts/uncles and great aunts/uncles/grandparents (from both sides of the family) have suffered one form of cancer or another just makes me have the nerves anyhow...
They're going to ask questions... they always do. We haven't been on birth control since the spring of 2007... they always love that one.
What kind of birth control do you two use?
We're married and 31 & 39 years old - if we have one, we have one!
Could you be pregnant?
It's always a possibility. Everyone's seen the show on TLC about "I didn't know I was pregnant!" Since I'm a bit overweight it's possible to not gain any. My own morning breath can make me nauseous... but that's been going on for 10 years now. I'm always tired - but what working mom of two little boys isn't. My breasts hurt because I'm a woman.... and all woman's breasts get sore from time to time. Duh. So go ahead and let me pee in the cup so you can tell me that I'm not. No - I don't want tests ran to see Why Not.

Well... now that I've worked myself up on the subject.. I'm going to wrap this up. We have some pretty frozen snow outside. I'm going to pack up a bunch of my files and haul them into the house. I figured it's a perfect day to get filing caught up. The kids are at their dads for Thanksgiving and I'm snow bound.

First things first... my appointment is at 10.

I've decided I'm just going to ask him when he's down there... do you see anything irregular? Because I know that's what you're looking for and - let's face it - it's why you have your handy dandy notebook to write down what you see...
11/23/2010 13:48:54

Girl, your ass had better call me when you are done!


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    Dear Twin... sometimes words come out of my mouth before my brain has a chance to stop them... well aint that the life...


    Some people make parenting look sooo easy.  They are big fat liar pants.  Parenting is hard.  Kids can be awful.  They don't come with an Instruction Manual.  I started young and have grown up with them.  We have gone through a lot together.  And I would have never been able to do it without the wonderful family I have.  I started blogging because of Twin.  She said that it wasn't nice of me to take a Bad Day out on the Hubby or the Brats.  And so this began.... it's my Rantings From The Time Out Corner... because, let's face it - when I'm full on Cranky Pants... my hubby doesn't fail to make me go Sit One Out for the Team.  (for more see ME above)

    I would like your thoughts, help, comments, feedback. I am not a robot!

    No matter how serious life gets, you still gotta have that one person you can be completely stupid with