Pleae be patient with me. I'm relatively new to blogging. I have yet to properly set up links from my blog to others. I'm just now seeing what BlogHer is from others posts (*gasp* *shock* she doesn't know?? *calm down already!!). I'm still feeling out how I want my own blog to be. I'm not consistent on what I blog on what days. Usually it's on whatever's been bugging or entertaining me for the day...
Now "the way all blog awards work is that you thank the award giver and link back to them in your post. Then you tell your readers 7 things (or 5 or 10 or..) about yourself.."
I'm going to keep it simple for y'all and just do 8 things about myself... (that hopefully arne't included in my "100 Things" at top of blog ;)
1. I worry. Not all the time. But when I do it becomes a full-on-mood-altering funk of an anxiety-kind attack. I want to describe it better, but I'm not sure how. My kids to go to bio-dad's about once a month. And they haven't missed a month since we got divorced back in 2004. When they go, they're there anywhere from 2 days to 2 weeks. Just depends on the situation and what's going on in our lives. Sometime's we are so busy that I don't have time to register that they're gone. Other times my mind goes in overdrive. It questions every little piece of "wrong" parenting I do. And it overanalyzes it and taunts me with it. I will be wide awake all night plotting how to be a better mom. No amount of sidetracking helps: from prayer to meditation to reading books (and I read all kinds - from suspense to the Bible to vampire romance... I LOVE to read) to crochet to blogging. NOTHING. I get a full on panic attack. This can last from a few hours to 24 hours to the minute I bring them home. Oftentimes Butch will just ask if we can go pick them up, instead of waiting the few hours longer for their dad to bring them to us -- just to RELIEVE ME :) And as soon as I have my babies back, I'm usually calm within minutes to maybe an hour. I get this way on a few other topics too: like bills, my family, TWIN, my parents. Ask both my sisters. In this funk I've sent them scrapbooked letters & letters & phone calls. When I crawl in this pit -- it's a hole of despair.
2. I am not a Teacher. At all. I wasn't born with the Teacher Gene. I was a straight-A kid in high school. I don't mean this to brag or anything. I didn't pass some genius IQ test. I didn't go to college and get a big fancy degree. School just wasn't hard for me. I loved to read and write stories. Math is easy for me too. And our mom taught us how to take notes on everything at a young age, which is a skill I use to this day. But just because I can learn, doesn't mean I can teach. I don't have the patience or attention span for it. At all. I've tried. I've tried teaching the sunday school classes or wednesday youth classes at church. And it comes with a manual! I even did volunteer time at Xav's school helping on arts & crafts stuff. I was a great help-er. But not a great leader, or a great teacher. I love my kids, and want to help them. I'm just not very good at it. I hope and pray every year that they have great teachers at school. I'm thankful that they have programs to give them the extra help them need.
3. I have TERRIBLE fashion sense. I rely on TWIN for this. My outfit of choice? A pair of jeans, boots & tank top. Our a tank top, long skirt & sandals. I like form fitting shirts with fun things on them, like I have one with Grumpy & one with Mr Potato Head. I don't like the blousy silky ones that make me look 8 months pregnant. (Part of the reason I've been working so hard to drop weight lately... not a "People Should Be Skinny" soapbox -- just a "I want to not look prego all the time since I'm NOT" thing). I can never find flattering jeans on my own. I have one pair of AE ones that I love... but I now need a smaller pair. And last year was the first one in years I found a pair of boots that I like. They slip on like cowboy boots -- I found them in the men's boots section. (They were comfy & wide enough for my feet!!) I wore them daily and went through the soles of them - twice. I was so in love with these I actually gorilla-glued the soles back on!! I know what things I DON'T like -- but I can rarely find things I even do!! And not only to find things I DO like, but also to find things that are FLATTERING on me. I'm working on this though.... I want to add - I hate pointy toed shoes. Despise them. I also hate White Pants, of any variety. Since I'm completely accident prone I tend to steer clear of white apparel altogether.
4. I don't own a computer of my own. This is due to an extremely tight budget and all extra $$ goes to raising children, gas $ for the month and Butch's cigarette habit. Since I work practically in my own apartment, and there are two in there -- I just use the office ones. One of which is only 3 months old. Doing this job for the past 5 years, there's always been at least 1 computer at my disposal. I try to blog AFTER office hours... but some days are slow enough I don't have to wait until AFTER. The kids think we're back in the caveman times without one. But they have a PSP, PS2, Wii, Xbox and cable tv, and 3 tvs in their game room. So I'd say that they aren't hurting for electronics. And I don't like them just trolling around the internet whenever they want to... I don't think they're old enough for FB. When I let them play games for too long on it they get super cranky & angry anyway. So I prefer to limit what time they get on it at all. They're like little addicts. I use it to blog, for work, email, fb, and an occasional google. Same with Butch - but he also likes craigslst. I've never been on many sites, including *gasp* Twttr!!!
5. Large groups of people make me anxious. Panicked. Anxious. Skin crawls. Irritates me. Claustrophobic. I'm running out of words... If I had to pick between a small island and the middle of a super busy city - I'd pick the island. We took the kids to the Portland Zoo one time and the place was crowded. Both Austin & I had enough after maybe an hour. The crowds roll in and we'll hightail it for the door everytime. His face often mirrors mine on that panicked "Too many bodies here!!" crazed look.
6. I don't do small spaces. I don't do heights. I don't do areas where I can't find air. Period. Want me to have a complete and utter panick attack? Here's the places that would do it for me: The edge of a really high cliff, roof, building, ledge. I guarantee that if by some miracle you get me there, it's going to take multiple grown men to get me back down. An underwater cave would freak me out - like you see explorers go in the movies (where you can't see sky - at all). Stuffing my body in a small space I can't squeeze out of is a huge issue. When I was 10 I went to a slumber party where I slept on the floor. In the middle of the night I managed to roll under her bed, and got my head wedged between the bed frame and floor. I woke the whole house up hysterically screaming. Being stuck freaks me out.
7. I don't like being a leader, being the boss. It's rather ironic that I'm now an Apartment Manager for 4 sites, 108 units and I run a staff of 4 - going on 5. I would prefer to be a tenant to a landlord. I would prefer to be the Office Assistant as opposed to the Manager. I don't like to be the front of the pack. I'm not assertive. At 8 & 12 I'm still working on the Mom Voice. Too often I go running to Butch to do it. I'm not convincing enough. I'm not intimidating enough. But every day at this job I grow up a little more ;P
8. I'm completely dependent of my family. Ask them. It's true. Sure, I spent 3 years being single mom. I had my own place, had my own job, paid my own bills. But don't let that ruse completele fool you - my mommy was only a mile away. I need Twin and Rue and Mommy & Daddy like fish need water. I don't do well living on my own, without Butch or one of them. I get lonely. I can't make big decisions (or some small ones) without calling at least one of them for advice. I don't keep secrets from them. I'm an open book for them.
That's all the fun goo-i-ness for now. So TWIN did you learn anything new? Probably not. Refer to #8. Duh.