GRRRR!! He growls and shakes his little arms.
What's wrong? I ask him.
It's HERRR!! He pointed in the direction of two girls in front of us.
Which one?? I ask.
The one in the PURPLE. He points.
Mind you one is wearing pink and one is wearing blue. I don't question him.
She says I like her and I DON'T!!
So, she keeps NUDGING me and GIGGLING!!!
At this point I can see angry steam rising off his face.
If she touches me One. More. Time. I'm gonna pop her one! As he punches his other hand with a SMACK.
Honey -- first off, we DON'T hit girls. Secondly, would you like to just cross the street?
I'm not the poster child for child raising advice.
I'm the first one to admit it.
When they were young I was fabulous at the please's and thank you's.
Now when I get overwhelmed with work and child rearing and wife duties and I'm exhausted I've resorted to "shut the hell up" and "come here".
My parents were great at the "because's". Ok - so let me re-phrase that - they were great at pointing out "wrongs" and "rights." With the tack-on of "Because it's a sin." Not saying that's not true in many situations. But I'm not great at that sentence so I usually resort to "it's not nice" "it hurts people's feelings" "i don't want you to" "can you just not do that for me" "it's disrspecful" "it's wrong" or my favorite "or you'll be grounded."
Thank God that even with my crappy, irratic parenting -- my kids have still turned out alright. Austin inherited my guilty conscience, without years of Bible teaching ingrained in him. (Not that I don't wish we were raising him in the church -- I'm just not that great and actually DOING it.) For example - last night.
Mom -- I accidentally took a mechanical pencil from Ms L's classroom and used it later and never returned it. I'm going to take it back to her first thing this morning and let her know!! Ever since that One Thing last year the little thing gets me freaked out!!
I love my children. I always wanted to be a mom. I just pictured myself like my mom -- homemade baking and cooking. Laundry and dishes always done. Three square big homemade meals on the table. No cold cereal in my house. Heck ya I can make homemade rolls like the three generations before me!! Of course I can sew you a quilt. And get stains out of all the laundry that I pre-sort and soak.
That is not how I turned out. Cold cereal is often the breakfast, sometimes dinner or snack choice at our place. Rolls come from the bread dept. Dishes sometimes piles up. Laundry is right now in clean piles in cardboard boxes in the room (because if they hit the floor they're fair game for the cats to mark). Laundry if it's too stained or holey goes straight in the trash. I don't sort laundry. I don't soak laundry. I don't use bleach or stain remover in my laundry. I don't iron. Heck I haven't worn anything that genuinely needs ironed for longer than I can remember. I own a sewing machine, but it only comes out when grandma comes over to work on. If I need to make something or clean something, I just call Mommy and ask her what she uses. Heck, if one of the kids get hurt I call Paramedic Daddy for what he thinks. And when the kids are being little shits I just walk off and tell Butch he can deal with it. Not all the time. Just those when Mommy just needs a Time Out. People give me great advice. Problem is that I am NOT good and thinking on the spot, so I don't retain it. And because I don't hang out with those fabulous friends (because they're long distant) I don't mimic how they do it so wonderfully with their friends. (Yes, I wish Shandi didn't live in Japan... I could learn a lot from her...).
And since I'm bitching about the failings of me... I'm going to make this thing a bit longer.
I am even more horrible about having mommy-daddy chats behind closed doors. So after he rips Austin an ass for something stupid I promptly rip him an ass. In front of them in the kitchen. My 12 year old throws out from the table an "Are you getting divorced?" But my flighty angry issues are so often I usually get a "chill out mom -- you're making a big deal out of NOTHING" So the D comment was as flippant. Minutes later Butch is hugging me in the kitchen. "I hate you." WEll "I hate you too." Which is our way of saying "I love you"... as wierd as it sounds. I do throw out a "This is what KISSING ASS looks like Austin. You wanna get some later on in life you need to practice it!!" Butch is trying to tell him it's not... it's just hugging.... But I'm arguing with him.
To top off a crappy 24 hours I managed to gobble down two of Xav's Adderall this morning, thinking I grabbed my vitamins. Realizing after I swallowed it (groggy at 6am) and looking at the Vitamin bottle I stuck his bottle next too. (I'd just grabbed him his meds... and it took me forever this morning to fully wake up to functioning). So it's 10am and I'm zoning at my desk, trying to whip out this blog, when I really need to stop and get my DUE YESTERDAY shit done.