Dear Old Lady
Thank you very much for not coming to work today.
I know that you were lying when you said the chilly 60 degree morning was too muggy to breathe.
But I forgive you.
You could've just told me you didn't want to come in and work.
But now you know that for next time.
I've tried telling you that your snide comments and bitchy ways offend people.
But you don't quite seem to get it.
And your memory is like a sieve of sand.
And you don't remember an hour from now the conversation we had.
So I won't bother telling you again.
There are times I want to pinch your oxygen cord.
Or cover all your windows in black paint so you get confused on the time of day it is.
Or take all the air out of your car tires.
Or or or
But I don't.
I try to appreciate the fact that at one-hundred-and-forty-two-years-of-age I would only hope to have someone as nice as myself give me a job answering phones and screwing up rent receipts instead of sitting in my wheelchair in the corner of a nursing home somewhere counting beads and muttering nonsense-icals to myself.
Ok, so maybe that was a bit harsh.
But there are days when you drive me a bit bat-shit crazy.
You won me over with your curly perm and quilting and love for pinochle like my Grammy.
And than I hired you.
And the hidden you came flying out in flaming colors.
Some days it's fun and games.
But many many days I want to sneak you ground melatoninn in your oatmeal.
And many many many many days find me praying to FatherSonHolySpirit Himself to ask if you could decide to retire w/ that big fancy check that your bff gave you and you pretend isn't there. Because we both know that between that and your govt allotment you don't need this job.
I do love you.
Like the Great Aunt you hug on at the yearly reunions.
But some days...
Some days I appreciate when I get a call on a Mon at 8am from you that you won't be in today, and the weather man includes tomorrow, and since Wed is your day off... it could probably be Thurs... and since you're taking a day to go to Portland to see the granddaughters apt.... it might not be until Friday.
Today was definitely an answer to prayer.
Enjoy your day off!!
I am.
Thank you very much for not coming to work today.
I know that you were lying when you said the chilly 60 degree morning was too muggy to breathe.
But I forgive you.
You could've just told me you didn't want to come in and work.
But now you know that for next time.
I've tried telling you that your snide comments and bitchy ways offend people.
But you don't quite seem to get it.
And your memory is like a sieve of sand.
And you don't remember an hour from now the conversation we had.
So I won't bother telling you again.
There are times I want to pinch your oxygen cord.
Or cover all your windows in black paint so you get confused on the time of day it is.
Or take all the air out of your car tires.
Or or or
But I don't.
I try to appreciate the fact that at one-hundred-and-forty-two-years-of-age I would only hope to have someone as nice as myself give me a job answering phones and screwing up rent receipts instead of sitting in my wheelchair in the corner of a nursing home somewhere counting beads and muttering nonsense-icals to myself.
Ok, so maybe that was a bit harsh.
But there are days when you drive me a bit bat-shit crazy.
You won me over with your curly perm and quilting and love for pinochle like my Grammy.
And than I hired you.
And the hidden you came flying out in flaming colors.
Some days it's fun and games.
But many many days I want to sneak you ground melatoninn in your oatmeal.
And many many many many days find me praying to FatherSonHolySpirit Himself to ask if you could decide to retire w/ that big fancy check that your bff gave you and you pretend isn't there. Because we both know that between that and your govt allotment you don't need this job.
I do love you.
Like the Great Aunt you hug on at the yearly reunions.
But some days...
Some days I appreciate when I get a call on a Mon at 8am from you that you won't be in today, and the weather man includes tomorrow, and since Wed is your day off... it could probably be Thurs... and since you're taking a day to go to Portland to see the granddaughters apt.... it might not be until Friday.
Today was definitely an answer to prayer.
Enjoy your day off!!
I am.
