Twin asked me what drives me crazy. At least one of these I share with her... These are in no order of importance.. and just a few things really...
#1 The scraping of Forks. Forks on plates, pans, basically on anything that's not a plastic surface. The scraping sound makes my skin crawl, teeth grate, and eyes glaze over in the look the Storm girl off XMen gets before she throws down cosmic fire.
#2 Snobs. Ya I said it. You with your hoity toity attitude and heels and perfect hair and makeup and nails and name brand purse swinging your head around like you think your poop doesn't stink and you don't have to put your pants on one leg at a time like the rest of us. We are all humans, whether we are big or small or green or yellow or old or young or super genius or dumb-dumb. No one is better than anyone else. So get over yourself all ready. Just because financially you can afford the fancy car or the 1st class airfare or the 5 star restaurant with the ridiculously small portions of food that cost more than my salary doesn't make you any better than me.
#3 Arm Pit Hair. Thanks to our father, I have to shave this daily. Sometimes I gross out my kids and skip a day. But usually I wear sleeves to cover it up. I would love it if I was rich and could just get it lasered off or something. That would be great. Heck, I hate leg hair too. If I could get all the hair lasered off that'd be great (except my arms... that's fine & can be left alone).
#4. The Remains of Butch's Facial Grooming. I think he's super sexy after he's done it. He goes in to primp maybe once every other week or so. He'll break out the clippers and take his entire head super short. Than he shaves all his face but his beard. It's smooth and soft and pretty. And he attempts to clean it up. He really really does! But my OCD issues see the ones that ar Left Behind. All those itty bitty hairs that are on the bathroom sink, counter, floor, toilet (it's a small bathroom), sends me into fits. And I just have to clean it up. Do you know how hard it is to get every tiny one? I have a system where I even wipe at them with toilet paper!
#5. When a Fountain Drink gets watery. I love me a beverage on ice. I don't know why. I just do. But the flavor is not the same when it gets all watery. It just isn't. This doesn't drive me Full One Batty. Just a little sad.
#6. Girls the age of 0-15 (heck up until they're 18 and a legal adult) that dress like hookers. Someone should smack their mothers. And fathers. I met this woman in recent months that drives me bonkers. In public and on fb, flaunting the fact that she allows her daughters to dress like whores. Her 10 year old daughter. The other too are HS. 10. Year, Old. She's one of those little chubby girls that has a mouth on her you want to hold down and fill with dishsoap. When they were here she was being so rude to her mom I flipped my shit. I ripped her an ass about her disrepectful little snot nose ways right in my living room in front of her mom and dad-to-be. To see how they doll her up like she's a 10 year old Jezebel really steeps my tea. Makeup, cleavage, skin-tight crap. And not in a Let's Make Her Feel Pretty in a tasteful way. It's lets dress her Cali Ghetto Fabulous kind of way. It's hard cuz they might be becoming family soon and I can't text or see her fb without having seizures. The way they word stuff and dress and act drives me crazy. Z is not an actual letter that goes after I. It's not!!
#7. Urine in the bathroom. Let me be more specific. Urine that's NOT in the bowl. Women everywhere should be able to appreciate this one. Why the hell can't men hit the hole. It's not a small hole. It's not like we've handed them a plastic bottle or anything. Nooooo. My sons apparently just don't care. And it's nasty.
#1 The scraping of Forks. Forks on plates, pans, basically on anything that's not a plastic surface. The scraping sound makes my skin crawl, teeth grate, and eyes glaze over in the look the Storm girl off XMen gets before she throws down cosmic fire.
#2 Snobs. Ya I said it. You with your hoity toity attitude and heels and perfect hair and makeup and nails and name brand purse swinging your head around like you think your poop doesn't stink and you don't have to put your pants on one leg at a time like the rest of us. We are all humans, whether we are big or small or green or yellow or old or young or super genius or dumb-dumb. No one is better than anyone else. So get over yourself all ready. Just because financially you can afford the fancy car or the 1st class airfare or the 5 star restaurant with the ridiculously small portions of food that cost more than my salary doesn't make you any better than me.
#3 Arm Pit Hair. Thanks to our father, I have to shave this daily. Sometimes I gross out my kids and skip a day. But usually I wear sleeves to cover it up. I would love it if I was rich and could just get it lasered off or something. That would be great. Heck, I hate leg hair too. If I could get all the hair lasered off that'd be great (except my arms... that's fine & can be left alone).
#4. The Remains of Butch's Facial Grooming. I think he's super sexy after he's done it. He goes in to primp maybe once every other week or so. He'll break out the clippers and take his entire head super short. Than he shaves all his face but his beard. It's smooth and soft and pretty. And he attempts to clean it up. He really really does! But my OCD issues see the ones that ar Left Behind. All those itty bitty hairs that are on the bathroom sink, counter, floor, toilet (it's a small bathroom), sends me into fits. And I just have to clean it up. Do you know how hard it is to get every tiny one? I have a system where I even wipe at them with toilet paper!
#5. When a Fountain Drink gets watery. I love me a beverage on ice. I don't know why. I just do. But the flavor is not the same when it gets all watery. It just isn't. This doesn't drive me Full One Batty. Just a little sad.
#6. Girls the age of 0-15 (heck up until they're 18 and a legal adult) that dress like hookers. Someone should smack their mothers. And fathers. I met this woman in recent months that drives me bonkers. In public and on fb, flaunting the fact that she allows her daughters to dress like whores. Her 10 year old daughter. The other too are HS. 10. Year, Old. She's one of those little chubby girls that has a mouth on her you want to hold down and fill with dishsoap. When they were here she was being so rude to her mom I flipped my shit. I ripped her an ass about her disrepectful little snot nose ways right in my living room in front of her mom and dad-to-be. To see how they doll her up like she's a 10 year old Jezebel really steeps my tea. Makeup, cleavage, skin-tight crap. And not in a Let's Make Her Feel Pretty in a tasteful way. It's lets dress her Cali Ghetto Fabulous kind of way. It's hard cuz they might be becoming family soon and I can't text or see her fb without having seizures. The way they word stuff and dress and act drives me crazy. Z is not an actual letter that goes after I. It's not!!
#7. Urine in the bathroom. Let me be more specific. Urine that's NOT in the bowl. Women everywhere should be able to appreciate this one. Why the hell can't men hit the hole. It's not a small hole. It's not like we've handed them a plastic bottle or anything. Nooooo. My sons apparently just don't care. And it's nasty.
