There are a few bits of randomness that I'd like to get you caught up on.  And one really doesn't have to do with the others.  I just don't feel like writing them up as separate tid-bitty posts... so I decided to slather them all together like a big sandwich for you.  A piece of lettuce, maybe a sprinkle of pickles, a slice of meat or two.  Here they are ... in no apparent order... try and hold back your shock, amazement and disbelief until you've reached the (probably un-magnificent) finale.  Sit back, put up your feet, grab some popcorn, and enjoy the show!

1.  My 13 year tried his first (and hopefully last) cigarette the other day.  This is how I found out about it.  It was a few minutest past 9pm.  I'm pecking away at the old laptop keyboard and in pours him and dad and some superfast talking (that really does feel like he's mid-conversation).  I am completely lost (of course).  "Mom, Dad.. I need to tell you guys something.  But you can't get mad.  And you can't interrupt.  You have to hear the WHOLE STORY."  And outpours a jumbled mess of words, that could only mess sense the way my family makes jumbled-mess-of-words make sense.  We talk fast, string them words together like spaghetti, and voila! story.  There were a few kids that were hanging out on this sanddune behind one of the aptmt buildngs on the property.  (There are a few hidey holes around.).  His bff got his hands on a cigarette (Austin told us that he stole 2 from his mom...).  It got passed around and Austin eventually got "peer pressured" into trying it.  (Is it "peer pressure" when the kids are 2-4 years YOUNGER than u and 1/2 of your size and you really just don't want to say No for the sake of not looking cool??).  He tried it.  Didn't like it.  Ran home and brushed his teeth (this I remember -- I assumed his gf was griping about his teen boy breath), gobbled gum, and realized that neither of those things cause tobacco's stench to immediately vanish into thin air.  The kid was FREAKING OUT.  He thought for sure we'd dig him a grave and bury him alive.  Instead we calmly let him talk and looked at him.  We asked him a few simple questions:  Are you ok?  Did you like it?  Are you going to do it again?  He was flabbergasted.  We explained to him that we know sooner-or-later that there are things he will possibly try in his life.  We hope that he makes smart choices, and ALWAYS be honest with us about them.  And we hope that he NEVER smokes again.  He was relieved.  And was still disgusted with the taste of the cig on his own breath.

2.  At the end of a long day of wanting to vomit, crane kick Butch in the head, and hide in a big pile of pillows for a long nap.... even my son can guess.... Yep.  It's that time of the month.  Which always brings up mixed feelings.  At the park the other day I was feeling a little forlorn watching mommies and their new babies.  And  seeing mine play too.  I play this game a lot.  If I were to get prego today... My kids would be 14 and 11 years older.  Which would be wierd.  I would feel hella guilty if my sisters hadn't had one yet.  And want to give it to Twin to raise.  But if it were a girl I would name her Ruth Anne (after both my sisters) and nickname her Anne (pronounced Annie) after our aunt that died really young.  And it would be nice to still have a baby.  But than there's the Starting Over factor.  And I REALLY want to give one to Twin.  Because danged if it wouldn't be spoiled and loved more than anyone ever could.  And really the last time I checked my AHM (AMH?  I can't remember the correct initials) or whatever you call it - level is low and I don't ovulate regularly anymore anyways.  So back on my bike I hop to follow the 3 kiddos on the trails around the park, and swing by the HS on the way home to round up the 2 teens who are skateboarding... and head on home again.

3.  Laundry really is overrated.  All the folding and putting away.  Just to have them worn and stained and piled back in that stinky old cloths hamper (I mean, under the bed... on the floor.... left on the staircase... behind the drivers seat of my car...).  Why can't I have all of the $ in the world?  That way I could pay someone to come and do it.  Because money might not buy happiness.... but it would buy me a Laundry Person.  And, well, that would be awfully nice.

4.  Depressing thought.  It dawned on me the other day that my parents are 61.  61!!! That's impossible!! And because we suck as daughters we didn't  throw them splendifrous 60 birthday parties!! Holy crap!! Their parents were close to that age when they died of cancer.  Which just can't happen to them.  Nope.  Because they are living to be 100.  No really.  They are.  I put in a Special Order with God.  One HUNDRED.

5.  Allergies suck.  Austin's have been flaring up like crazy.  He's fought them since he was 6 weeks.  No matter what environment we live in - dry or moist, humid or not.  Last week he had 4 bloody noses in 2 days.  Not even just your run-o-the-mill kind either.  Nope.  He usually wakes up sneezing.  And I'm talking full blown - spray the area within a 5 feet radius of you with ooey gooey snot - sneezing.  It's nasty.  And to make matters worse, he doesn't believe in blowing his nose.  He'd much rather suck that crap down his throat.  No matter how much I throw kleenex, toilet paper, rags or old t-shirts at him.  He wipes at it and sneezes some more.  3am on the 4th of July he woke me to show me something fantastic.  He'd sneezed in the bathroom and it looked like a war zone.  Holy hell.  If I'd stepped in there and noone was there I would have woke the whole house.  Blood was sprayed all over the walls, toilet, sink and tub.  He sneezed blood everywhere.  And did this again the next day.  Thank goodness both times he told me so I could go clean it up.  But UGH.  I got him a doc appointment for tomorrow.  Hopefully they can give him something strong for it.  OTC just isn't cutting it.

6.  When tortoises mate ... it's funny.  I was sitting in Xav's room reading him a bedtime story when I hear what I think is the sound of one of our cats stuck in something.  That crying meowing sound they make.  I ask "What the?" and Xav leaps from his bed covering his ears and highly irritated.  It was his tortoises making whoopee!  And boy was he mad! He apparantly hates the sound.  And if he sees them it freaks him out.  We spend the next few minutes making a small coardboard box for him to be able to separate them when this happened.  We briefly tried putting them together, but the big one immediately charged at the little one and got him pinned against the wall again.  What's weirder is that we swore the big one was the female and the little one was the male.  That's what they told us.  Thats what pics on google shows us.  But from all appearances... unless his boy parts flip backwards... it appears maybe we have them opposites?? Because the bigger one was definitely the aggressive one on top.  (Not that there's really anything you "see"... there are large shells in the way..).

7.  We live in a cold environment.  It's 60 miles or so inland to Eugene to go grocery shopping.  My car has a thermometer that nicely shows you what it is outside of the A/C cooled interior.  We left home yesterday and it was maybe 70.  3 hours later it was 95 in Eugene.  I should know.  Xav kindly told me every blessed degree as it changed on the dashboard.  We also happily counted it back down to 65 when we returned home.  Both of us happy it was cold for once.

8.  Never pass up a good book sale.  Never.  We were out running errands today and stopped at the local movie rental store.  Next door was the thrift store with the signage %50 OFF ALL BOOKS.  What? Of course I could use a book.  Or 3.  Sure enough... I ended up spending a whopping $4.19.  I got 3 more Koontz books (because my 20... I just counted..didn't include these ones!!), 1 magazine AND 3 candy bars.  For $4 bucks!  Woohoo!!

Speaking of movie rental stop... I just realized we have the new Ghostrider to watch today.  I need to get this overrated & folded laundry, that's sitting in my living room, put away ASAP.  Butch is gonna wake up and bbq some dinner so we can watch it.  Because we have to get 2 pissy kids up bright & early so we can take them to the local clinic.  ADHD meds refill for the one & allergy meds/inhaler refill for the other one...

7/18/2012 06:53:38

Ok. So I can't get the image of your mating tortoise out of my head .. And yes it does matter. And I'm sorry about your ovaries twin. I totally understand. And your children may be the death of us both ... After Mother Nature


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    Dear Twin... sometimes words come out of my mouth before my brain has a chance to stop them... well aint that the life...


    Some people make parenting look sooo easy.  They are big fat liar pants.  Parenting is hard.  Kids can be awful.  They don't come with an Instruction Manual.  I started young and have grown up with them.  We have gone through a lot together.  And I would have never been able to do it without the wonderful family I have.  I started blogging because of Twin.  She said that it wasn't nice of me to take a Bad Day out on the Hubby or the Brats.  And so this began.... it's my Rantings From The Time Out Corner... because, let's face it - when I'm full on Cranky Pants... my hubby doesn't fail to make me go Sit One Out for the Team.  (for more see ME above)

    I would like your thoughts, help, comments, feedback. I am not a robot!

    No matter how serious life gets, you still gotta have that one person you can be completely stupid with