what IS in a name?  I didn't name my kids because I spent long agonizing minutes debating and looking it up.  I wish I could say that's how they got saddled with Austin and Xavier.  We were just tossing things out and liked them.  Lately Xav has been all "but what does my name MEAN!!"  So, my pretties,  let me fill you in on what our names mean... and maybe you'll be curious to check out yours too!!

I found these diff definitions online...

\b(ec)-ky\ as a girl's name is pronounced BEK-ee. It is of English origin. Pet form of Rebecca (Hebrew) "to bind" 1. Hebrew: To tie, bind; enchantingly beautiful

Butch \b(u)- tch, but- ch\ as a boy's name is a variant of Bert (Old English), Burt and Butcher (Old English), and the meaning of Butch is "illustrious; butcher".  (noun)
1. male given name
1. (of a woman) having traits usu. associated with men
2. (of a man) having exaggerated masculine traits

a(u)-stin, aus-tin\ as a boy's name is pronounced AW-sten. It is of French and Latin origin, and the meaning of Austin is "great, magnificient"1. Latin: Useful

Xavier (often shorted to Xav, pronounced Zave)
\x(a)-vier\ as a boy's name is pronounced ecks-ZAY-vee-er, ZAY-vee-er. It is of Basque origin, and the meaning of Xavier is "new house".  1. French: Enlightened

Ginny: (because she's TWIN that's why)
\gi(n)-ny\ as a girl's name is pronounced JIN-ee. It is of English origin. Short form, usually of Virginia (Latin) "virgin". A likable female that is caring and kind hearted with a goofy streak only her friends really understand. Often thought to be quiet and slightly reserved but really quite the opposite.

Ruth: (because she wants to know)
 \r(u)-th\ as a girl's name is pronounced rooth. It is of Hebrew origin, and the meaning of Ruth is "friend, companion".  (n.) Pity or compassion. 1.sadness for another: pity for another person's troubles
2.sorrow: sorrow or remorse for having done something wrong

So I'm not surprised about Twin's.  But I found shocking and sad things when I googled "becky."  Apparently it's also a slang term for (she says behind her hand) *ahem* oral sex.  Butch (of course) thinks this is hilarious and is going to find ways to throw it into conversations between him and I when the kids aren't within hearing distance.  I'm totally bummed.  Although a Rebecca by birth, I've always been a Becky.  Or Bek.  Or Bex.  But NEVER a Becca... because that was always more uppity snobbery than me.  And you can ask Rebecca's (or Rebekah's) and some go by Becky and some don't.  We don't all go by the R word and we don't all prefer the B.  It's ironic really.  But it is.  Kinda like how Twin is Gin.  Not Jen.  Not Jenny.  Not Jennifer.  Not Ginnifer.  Gin.  Short for Gin-ny.  GIIIIN.  With a Gee. 

Lately I've been sneaking my way thru United States of Tara on netflix.  Like Cookie Monster sneaking cookies at an AA (CA for him?) meeting.  An episode in the morning before the brats get up, hit and miss throughout the day.  I've seen it before, but couldn't keep up with it.  It seems to hit home more.  I think it's because I'm seeing it through the eyes of an exhausted mother of an ADHD almost pre-teen and teen and I get it.  There are days when we all feel like we're flying our Crazy Flag loud and proud.  Today I could've sported all of her personalities.

Alice would have made the kids a pancake breakfast, and squeezed in a seducing of the husband.

T would've tried to be a cool teen who just doesn't give a shit.

Butch would've smoked a pack.

Gimmly would've peed on them all when they were sleeping.

Tara would've ran around trying to apologize and pick up the pieces.

I was going to be creative and draw this one out longer... but the brain is misfiring.

Would it be easier to create fake personas to deal with the separate aspects of life?  Not discounting the true schizo's out there... just wishing for a little break in the reality of life...
I got this from Angel and so I wanted to add one too...

You know what I don't get?

I don't get why chocolate covered coconut candy can't be listed on the healthy food pyramid.  It's delicious.  And chocolate is a stress-reliever.  So nom nom nom.

I don't get why my son thinks the greasy Beiber hair look is cute.  Please please pretty please let me take you in so they can trim that stuff up more like the Justin off Wizards of Waverly Place.  Pleaaassee.

I don't get why every home can't come mandatory with a dishwasher, washer and dryer.  Dishes and laundry aren't ever going to stop as facts of life.  So we should be automatically accomodated with the tools needed to get them done.

I don't get why the money tree I'm growing isn't producing any fruit.  Sure, the leaves are green.  But for some reason there's no dollar sign on them. Sigh.

I don't get why wine has to have an alcoholic odor.  If it smelled like grape juice than my children would never know if I wanted to chug it all day. 

I don't get why they have to make clothes so small.  The average woman is more like a size 14.  So that should be the average size of clothes.  Those of you that have the luxury of being a size 0-3 can just go to a different, fancier store.  It would be much less depressing to try on clothes that way.  (Yes, I know that recently I've gone from a 5-year run of being the size 14, but I have this deathly fear that it won't take much to swell right back on up there..)

I don't get why all women can't have a free spa day - from head to toes - on their birthday every year from the time they hit 16 to death.  With all of the emotional baggage we get to haul around, shoving the children out of our what-not's, playing mommy to our spouses, having to deal with menstrual cycles and bras.... we deserve it.

I don't get why some guys like to wear butt-saggy pants so they show their under-roo's.  If you don't want to wear pants, than don't.  Otherwise hike those bad boys back up to cover your nether-regions.  You can wear baggy without trashy.  Duh.

I don't get why we can't teach cats how to talk.  It would be much easier than having to have them nibble our fingers when they want petted (because laying on my lap and rubbing her head on my arm didn't get the hint). 

Twin asked me what drives me crazy.  At least one of these I share with her... These are in no order of importance.. and just a few things really...

#1 The scraping of Forks.  Forks on plates, pans, basically on anything that's not a plastic surface.  The scraping sound makes my skin crawl, teeth grate, and eyes glaze over in the look the Storm girl off XMen gets before she throws down cosmic fire.

#2 Snobs.  Ya I said it.  You with your hoity toity attitude and heels and perfect hair and makeup and nails and name brand purse swinging your head around like you think your poop doesn't stink and you don't have to put your pants on one leg at a time like the rest of us.  We are all humans, whether we are big or small or green or yellow or old or young or super genius or dumb-dumb.  No one is better than anyone else.  So get over yourself all ready. Just because financially you can afford the fancy car or the 1st class airfare or the 5 star restaurant with the ridiculously small portions of food that cost more than my salary doesn't make you any better than me.

#3 Arm Pit Hair.  Thanks to our father, I have to shave this daily.  Sometimes I gross out my kids and skip a day.  But usually I wear sleeves to cover it up.  I would love it if I was rich and could just get it lasered off or something.  That would be great.  Heck, I hate leg hair too.  If I could get all the hair lasered off that'd be great (except my arms... that's fine & can be left alone).

#4. The Remains of Butch's Facial Grooming.  I think he's super sexy after he's done it.  He goes in to primp maybe once every other week or so.  He'll break out the clippers and take his entire head super short.  Than he shaves all his face but his beard.  It's smooth and soft and pretty.  And he attempts to clean it up.  He really really does!  But my OCD issues see the ones that ar Left Behind.  All those itty bitty hairs that are on the bathroom sink, counter, floor, toilet (it's a small bathroom), sends me into fits.  And I just have to clean it up.  Do you know how hard it is to get every tiny one? I have a system where I even wipe at them with toilet paper!

#5. When a Fountain Drink gets watery.  I love me a beverage on ice.  I don't know why.  I just do.  But the flavor is not the same when it gets all watery.  It just isn't.  This doesn't drive me Full One Batty.  Just a little sad.

#6. Girls the age of 0-15 (heck up until they're 18 and a legal adult) that dress like hookers.  Someone should smack their mothers.  And fathers.  I met this woman in recent months that drives me bonkers.  In public and on fb, flaunting the fact that she allows her daughters to dress like whores.  Her 10 year old daughter.  The other too are HS.  10. Year, Old.  She's one of those little chubby girls that has a mouth on her you want to hold down and fill with dishsoap.  When they were here she was being so rude to her mom I flipped my shit.  I ripped her an ass about her disrepectful little snot nose ways right in my living room in front of her mom and dad-to-be.  To see how they doll her up like she's a 10 year old Jezebel really steeps my tea.  Makeup, cleavage, skin-tight crap.  And not in a Let's Make Her Feel Pretty in a tasteful way.  It's lets dress her Cali Ghetto Fabulous kind of way.  It's hard cuz they might be becoming family soon and I can't text or see her fb without having seizures.  The way they word stuff and dress and act drives me crazy.  Z is not an actual letter that goes after I.  It's not!!

#7. Urine in the bathroom.  Let me be more specific.  Urine that's NOT in the bowl.  Women everywhere should be able to appreciate this one.  Why the hell can't men hit the hole.  It's not a small hole.  It's not like we've handed them a plastic bottle or anything.  Nooooo.  My sons apparently just don't care.  And it's nasty.

I'm linking over from Airing My Dirty Laundry, (<--  link there),  because well this is a Great Idea!! To quote her "I got this idea from Glamour magazine. They have a section called Hey, It’s Okay and will list a bunch of things to be okay about. You're welcome to join in and do something like this on your blog. Doesn't have to be on a Tuesday either. Just make sure you link up and that the post you link up is a Hey, It's Okay Post." 

It's OK to enjoy Gray's Anatomy, and quote it to yourself all the next day (as words you want to live by).
Case in point. (and forgive me for not remembering the exact wording)
"He let go of my hand!" (describing her kindergardner letting go of her his 1st day of school)
"Do you know what happens when they let go of your hand? You get your hand back.  They didn't go anywhere.  They're right there.  You. Get. Your. Hand. Back.  You now have some Free Time.  I don't mean for washing dishes.  Do something for yourself."

It's OK to want to Ball Kick your hubby when he magically grew a pair and actually says "don't make me go get you some midol." 

It's even MORE OK to than walk 3 blocks from home just to call your little sister and vent to her about it.

It's OK to want to start the P90X 90-day challenge for no other reason than to keep you sidetracked for 90 more days that it sucks that your sisters live so far away (and have and will continue to - for a long time).

It's OK to enjoy eating the ice cream straight out of the tub with a spoon, so you can tell youself that 3 small spoonfuls aren't the same as a large bowlful.

It's OK to ignore your leg hair in the winter until which point you can feel it thru your knee socks.  Between the jeans, knee boots and knee socks, it's not like anyone's gonna see it anyways.

It's OK to enjoy watching the Pink ITunes free concert so much that you watch it over and over.. because she really does sum it all up with:
"Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say
Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face
There's no one quite like you
You push all my buttons down
I know life would suck without you
At the same time, I wanna hug you
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck
You're an asshole but I love you
And you make me so mad I ask myself
Why I'm still here, or where could I go
You're the only love I've ever known
But I hate you, I really hate you,
So much, I think it must be
True love, true love
It must be true love
Nothing else can break my heart like
True love, true love,
It must be true love
No one else can break my heart like you
[ From:
http://www.elyrics.net/read/p/pink-lyrics/true-love-lyrics.html ]
e else can break my heart like you
No one else can break my heart like you (like you)
No one else can break my heart like you"

It's OK to be in love with your DVR.  And to tune the kiddos out for 1 hour of Mommy Time while I enjoy my Gray's Anatomy.

It's OK to stop for a minute and realize that God provides.  Last night I was writing up this post and I was feeling a bit irritated (not the right word to describe my emotional status).  Earlier that day I'd asked my Butch what happened to genuine friends (not discounting my sisters - they're Great!)? But what happened to having someone genuinely ask how your day was going?  I'm tired of when the phone call consists of so much negativity you hang up angry for a week!  (I had just ignored a call from That One because I truly can't handle another of those calls!) So right as I finished the "DVR" line I got a call from a close friend that I haven't spoken to much since our move here.  And Little J and I talked for an hour and a half!! She is great about telling me what's going on in her life and always making it a point to ask AND LISTEN about what's going on in mine!  I got off the phone (at one point I was sitting on the floor in the dark in my room and was actually plugged into the wall with the charger) and I felt a ton better.


if you are ever interested in property mgmt.... here's some friendly advice ...
2. LISTEN to them...
4. BE AVAILABLE... but set TIMES.  It IS ok to have a life outside of work...
I'm 33 years, 5 months, 5 days, 18 hours, and 33 minutes old.  And there are so many things that I have NEVER done!  If I made a list and read it to my children they would be sure I was raised under a rock.  Just so you agree with them... I thought I'd make you a list...

1.  I've never been to a bachelorette party (probably because of my small social circle)
2. I've never been to a strip club  (yep... soooo sheltered... lol)
3. I've never seen a transvestite (not that I would mind... I believe people are beautiful because of who they are not what their sexual choices are... I don't judge... I love you because you are a good person!)
4. I've never been in a Japanese restaurant (ahem... hint hint... Twin... next lunch date?)
5. I've never owned a passport
6. I've never been out of the USA (see #5)
7. I've never snowboarded
8. I've never jumped out of a perfectly good airplane
9. I've never done, or been around anyone when they were doing, drugs (not even pot)
10. I've never worn high heels (I have ugly wide feet and balance issues??)
11. I've never been to a 5 star restaurant
12. I've never been to a 5 star hotel
13. I've never been to a baby shower (I think 2 when I was 18 & they were girls related to me?)
14. I've never been to a hot springs
15. I've never skinny dipped
16. I've never flashed anyone
17. I've never had the same car for longer than 3 years (don't get me started on this one)
18. I've never been to a haunted house (or haunted maze or haunted anything...)
19. I've never been to a bonfire (campfire yes, bonfire no)
20. I've never completed college. ( I did one semester right out of HS, dropped out & got married..).
21. I've never been to a Mormon, Jehovah's Witness or Catholic Church (that's a long story)
22. I've never lived outside of Oregon (6 weeks in Phoenix, AZ with Twin in college...)
23. I've never dyed my hair pink, green, blue or purple (it did fade to orange a few times)
24. I've never gone "clubbing"
25. I've never ridden a train
26. I've never ridden a Grayhound bus
27. I've never flown first class
28. I've never worked fast food (I would, though, a job to support my family is a job)
29. I've never driven a motorcycle (ridden on the back a few times)
30. I've never had a major surgery (bunyonectomy's don't count)
31. I've never donated plasma (I've donated blood ... just not plasma... yet...)
32. I've never seen Little House of Horrors
33. I've never driven a heavy machine, like a forklift or dumptruck...
34. I've never ran in a marathon
35. I've never been a member of a gym
36. I've never had a bikini wax (or leg or armpit)
37. I've never driven a VW bug (I want one soooo bad!!)
38. I've never gone to a Women's Retreat
39. I've never attended an AA meeting
40. I've never been arrested
41. I've never stolen anything
42. I've never played poker for money
43. I've never read the whole Bible
44. I've never taken a cruise
45. I've never put my babies in a cloth diaper
46. I've never owned a Magic Bullet
47. I've never used starch
48. I've never made home made bread
49. I've never gone to outer space
50. I've never weighed more than 250lbs
51. I've never shaved off my eyebrows
52. I've never been to Disneyworld
53. I've never gone to a Mardis Gras celebration
54. I've never done a juiji board
55. I've never seen a ghost

Well I'm sure that's not all of them... but I figure since there are millions of people in the world... there's nothing on here that I'm the ONLY ONE that hasn't done! 

I'm so happy that the parentals landed in Germany safe and sound and are spending quality time with Twin & Sir & Ma.  2 Weeks of Hugs and Castle Tours and Fun Fun Fun!! (I'm a wee bit sad that I don't get to hug her.... but we all Love our Mommy & Daddy Time!!)

After not getting to see Twin for 18 months... the parentals will soon be on their airplane...
I spent 13 year, 21 days, 9 hours and 42.5, 6, 7 seconds agonizing over how I've raised him so far.  I didn't do enough creative crafts with him like all of the other Perfect Mothers show on their I'm An Awesome Hip Mom blogs.  I let him entertain himself with cheerios and the playstation while I would nap with his infant brother (right next to him on the couch) so I could have a few hours of sleep before I headed off to my next graveyard shift at the casino.  I gave birth to his brother, and spent the quality 3-year-old stage of his life trying to nurse him and split my attention between them both.  5 days after his 5th birthday I packed up all of his (their) possessions and I moved us hours away from his daddy and started our life over.  (Because, no matter how much he didn't understand it at the time, mommy couldn't deal with one more moment with sharing a house with daddy AND his gfriend.  We AREN'T mormons and AREN'TS practicing polygamists and I DON'T WANT TO HEAR one more "I love you" and "i love you too" and I DON'T want my kids growing up thinking this is an acceptable way to live.)  But I did tell him all of that, rather frankly, as soon as he began asking why we divorced.  There's no point in sugarcoating the reality of his life.  I've always gone out of my way to make sure he sees his real father.  No, we've never lived closer than 1.5 hours from him since we've done the D word, but they have never gone more than 1 month tops without a weekend (or longer visit).  I agonize every second they're there.  I tear myself up for not parenting him (Them) better.  I should read more to them at night.  I should do more family game night.  I should make him be more responsible more himself, and stop picking up after him, so he doesn't grow up into being lazy and dependant on me.  I should spend more time with him.  Than he turned 13 a few months ago and we moved here a months later AND EVERYTHING CHANGED.  He no longer wets the bed.  He jumps into the shower every morning.  He grew his hair out like Bieber and combs it and wears hats.  He is as tall as me.  And his feet are bigger.  He has a girlfriend and they hold hands and hug and kiss.  Last week he jumped more firsts for me.  I dumped 5 of them (he was the only boy) off at youth group.  What?  You want to go hang out at church with other teens your age?  I will guilt-free drop you off right now!! Stack them in the car... who cares if there's enough seat belts!! Two days later they all got dropped off to watch his first HS Varsity Fball game.  Heck YES you can go and NO I won't follow you around sneaking behind trash cans to make sure you're safe.  We let him walk 3 blocks to Fred Meyers to hit the redbox movie rentals for us.  We give him cash and let him run to the Dollar Store (next to Freddy's) for snacks and drinks.  My baby is growing up.  I've torn myself up over things up until now.  It's weird how I'm actually - and surprisingly - enjoying this phase of his life.  When he's like a mini adult.  Yes he still has mood swings.  He yells right back at me when I yell at him.  He cries like a girl at the drop of a hat.  But we have a fun new way of handling his attitude.  We HUG it out.  And he hates it.  Butch and I come site by him on the couch and give him hugs... until he finally (and this can take ahile... a lot of yelling and irritation on his part) just caves.  He doesn't know what to do!  My baby is no longer my baby.  Why Butch can I start over with another?  Not unless you want a) another Xav or b) me to be 60 years old when it graduates HS.  *sigh*  I need to break out the camera and get more embarassing shots of him...


    Dear Twin... sometimes words come out of my mouth before my brain has a chance to stop them... well aint that the life...


    Some people make parenting look sooo easy.  They are big fat liar pants.  Parenting is hard.  Kids can be awful.  They don't come with an Instruction Manual.  I started young and have grown up with them.  We have gone through a lot together.  And I would have never been able to do it without the wonderful family I have.  I started blogging because of Twin.  She said that it wasn't nice of me to take a Bad Day out on the Hubby or the Brats.  And so this began.... it's my Rantings From The Time Out Corner... because, let's face it - when I'm full on Cranky Pants... my hubby doesn't fail to make me go Sit One Out for the Team.  (for more see ME above)

    I would like your thoughts, help, comments, feedback. I am not a robot!

    No matter how serious life gets, you still gotta have that one person you can be completely stupid with