Flashback to 1999, sitting on the exam table, spending three painful hours shoving a head and body the size of a small watermelon out of my 19 year old womb. Ooohhss and aaahs at how precious the little fingers are and the little toes. The tiny fingernails and eyelashes. Even his poop couldn't stink. I nursed him and played with him and doted all of my love and attention on him. Never in a MILLION years did I expect this Perfect Child to grow into this.... this ABOMINATION known as Teenage Boy. No ONE bothered to prepare me for the constant whining, moaning, complaining and attitude. NO ONE sat me down and had the Welcome to Parenting a Teenager talk. Not One Single Person had the decency to take me by the hand, set me down, hand me a hot piping cup of tea and break it to me gently. That TEENAGERS. SUCK. I don't remember being a 1/3 of this nasty as a child. Although my mom would've wiped that attitude off my face with the back of her hand. Smack. And repeat. That doesn't work? Smack. And repeat. I love him. But he turned 13 on Saturday. And he Instantly Changed. He went to sleep still kinda childish. Woke up with Attitude on one shoulder and Asshole on the other one. And I don't even know how to deal with it. Seriously contemplating taking up smoking, or maybe drinking wine. He starts in on his brother if they're within 10 feet of each other. He will literaly walk in the same room as him and just kick him and hit him and call him names and do anything that will piss the little guy off. For no reason! His mouth is like an open floodgate of crap. And if I try and talk? He interepts me about three words in "Hey, HEy, HEY!" Until he gets the point across that HE'S trying to talk. And by God he's gonna talk too!
(As I stop to read this to hubby Butch, Austin listens and is rolling on the floor giggling, as Xav is screaming at him "THAT'S YOU, DUMBASS!! She's talking about YOU!")