Yesterday was Lets Use Our Screaming Voices Whenever We Want To Say Anything In Our House Day. Wtf!!! REALLYY???? Is it really necessary to run up to mommy and scream random nonsense words 2 inches from my face and spaz off again? Is it really really necessary to scream ALL YOUR WORDS? Is it? IS IT??

Solutions I had to my problem:
Pack them up and ship them off with the next Traveling Circus that rolls within 30 miles of my house.
Stick them on an Empty Railcar and let them play Hoboes for a day.
Stuff them in a box and ship them to Germany. Or Illinois. Or Timbuktu. Or the Bermuda Triangle. 
Sit and watch a movie in my car like that mom on the minivan commercial.
Take nyquil and melatonin and sleep through this phase of my day until tomorrow (AFTER they've left for the last day of this school year)
Sit rocking in a corner mumbling the mantra "it's only 4 days until we leave for grammas house and they stay for a week. it's only 4 days until we leave for grammas house. it's only 4 days. 4 days. 3.95 days."
Stare at them bugeyed wondering how in the FRACK did I raise children like this and when is their REAL mother going to show up???
Give them swirlies and see if the screaming would echo down the toilet pipes.
Stick a blow up doll with a mommy head on it in my place and see how long it takes them to realize that it's not me.
Put large fishbowls over their heads so the yelling would echo in their own ears and no one else would have to hear them.
If I were an X Man what powers could I have to make this stop??
Are all little boys like this when they're in their home with they're mommies or just mine??
If it were only 20 years ago I could just whack them upside the head a few times and they'd shut the hell up!
Why can't they act this way when they visit their biodad?
Replace them with their 5 & 1.5 year old selves & raise them all over! (But with Butch & I now, not the crazy mess-of-a me I was back then)
Velcro, duct tape, and a whole lotta bubblewrap...
Where's the Easy Button?????
Petition the President to require school to be year round.
Soundproof their room and chuck them in it.
Send them to the zoo to play with the gorillas.
When does the sugar crash set in?
Google "Magical Food To Calm Down Kids"
Now I know why animals eat their young!
Set them loose in a 1000 acre field with sticks telling them to chase all the birds away.
Tell Butch I have a severe migraine and I'm going to my room to sleep it off and he can deal with the kids.
Become a chain smoker.
Have a big adult beverage and see if they're easier to handle..
..wonder why we never keep adult beverages handy...
Tie their shoelaces together so they fall down when they run off to go spaz somewhere else
Burst into hysterical laughter for no apparent reason
6/15/2011 12:08:47

i vote for swirlies. have larry stand in the office downstairs so he can tell you if the screaming really does sound throughout through the plumbing

6/15/2011 14:15:14

Good idea!!

6/15/2011 14:23:31

Zomg. Best quote ever!!

6/16/2011 23:26:38

Oh my gawd, this had me rolling on my bed and clutching my sides in anguish. Thank you, you have no idea how much I needed the laugh!!

6/17/2011 11:22:33

Anytime, anytime :)

7/4/2011 14:19:03

I found the velcro, duct tape, and a whole lotta bubblewrap option the most appealing. That or the fishbowls.


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    Dear Twin... sometimes words come out of my mouth before my brain has a chance to stop them... well aint that the life...


    Some people make parenting look sooo easy.  They are big fat liar pants.  Parenting is hard.  Kids can be awful.  They don't come with an Instruction Manual.  I started young and have grown up with them.  We have gone through a lot together.  And I would have never been able to do it without the wonderful family I have.  I started blogging because of Twin.  She said that it wasn't nice of me to take a Bad Day out on the Hubby or the Brats.  And so this began.... it's my Rantings From The Time Out Corner... because, let's face it - when I'm full on Cranky Pants... my hubby doesn't fail to make me go Sit One Out for the Team.  (for more see ME above)

    I would like your thoughts, help, comments, feedback. I am not a robot!

    No matter how serious life gets, you still gotta have that one person you can be completely stupid with