Dear Girly Girl... here's how....
Improv 1. Since I am short the $4.92 billion to purchase that, I opted for a pair of rubber gloves. Somewhere in between kitten #2 and kitten #4 they were pretty shredded. And I was too wet & cranky to bother putting a new pair on when I gave up & tossed the ones I'd been wearing in the garbage.
Improv 2. Yoda decided not to share. Trying to avoid being scratched is futile.
Note to Self 2. Keep plenty of hydrogen peroxide, band-aids and neosporin handy. You're probably gonna need it.
Improv 3. *Sigh* Wet it, smother it in dish soap, let it sit for 5 minutes, cry along with miserable wet fur ball, rinse off. *Sob violently* REPEAT, pry claws from hands, arms, teeth biting wrist, claws, blood, claws
Note to Self 3. Thanks google. Bathing kittens was a STUPID idea. And it was an even stupider ACTION!! Somewher between kitten 3 & 4 I gave up on the "repeat" idea. By Kitten 5 the time it sat went from 5 minutes to around 3.
Improv 4. It's called a Flea Comb. And a cup of warm soapy water. Petroleum Jelly. Wipe some of the PJ on the base of the comb. Comb the cranky feline. Starting at the head and working to the tail. The PJ will help the squirming live ones stay on. Rinse the comb in the cup of warm water. And REPEAT. And REPEAT. And wonder why El Diablo was allowed to creat these animals, when he was hitting up the cuervo...
Note to Self 4. Allegedly the dish soap smothers the fleas to their deaths. You can also discount the notion that rinsing the animal delicately from head to tail is as easy as the You Tube videos you found.
Improv 5. Find the first shmuck you can find. Have him vacuum the entire house. Taking care to dump the pre-vacuum and post-vacuum bags outside. It helps greatly if you can nag at him the entire time he's pissing & moaning. Once this is done you can attempt to either A) pour salt or B) diatamaceous earth all over the carpet. We tried the salt. A few times. Now we're trying the DE.
Note to Self 5. This is the point in the game that dropping to your knees and praying FERVENTLY probably wouldn't hurt.
Note to Self 5.5 Don't vacuum or sweep this up. Let it sit a day or few before vacuuming. If you try and sweep it in you're gonna kick up some nasty dust that noone needs to be breathing. No ma'am.
Step 6. Treat yourself to a 4-course lobster dinner dressed to the nines. Break out all the swag. Wash it down with a bottle of wine. Enjoy a delicious fried ice cream for dessert. Nom nom.
Improv 6. Or not. You could save your hard earned dough and just get a bottle of apple cider vinegar. Spray the kitty kitties down with it. The darth vader vermin supposedly don't like the flavor of the vinegary blood. I'm wondering if this will actually work either.
Note to Self 6. The smell will go away eventually.
(To quote my little sister...)
Of course it isn't, Dorothy.
Where do you think you are, Oz?
**Oops... quick Safety Tip #7. To save your jugular vein from death & dismemberment, I would highly recommend taking Mommy Kitty and locking her in a bathroom or somewhere. She will cry, yell and make a ruckus. But the noise on the ears is much less painful that what she'll do to you if she has to listen to the cat-er-walling those babies are doing!