This is my list of things that I Never Thought Would Happen (in no order or importantance... and some will fall under the TMI category... so Reader Beware...)

1.  I never thought I would have saggy boobs.  Ok so I never had much thoughts on this at all.  Sure I didn't think I'd have gigantic knockers like Favorite Aunite.  And I knew they wouldn't turn out like them women in National Geographc.  But after breastfeeding two rugrats and numerous weight gains & losses.... Well lets just say they aren't as perky as they once were.  And since I HATE underwires and the pain they cause me... I'm always on a mission for cute (and non painful) non-underwire bras (that don't fall under the category of "sports bras"... I have plenty of those... I just want ones that look cute under tanks).

2. I never thought I'd poop on the table giving birth.  Yep.  I said the words feces and childbirth in the same sentence.  Honestly I didn't even know one happened during the other until about a month or so before giving birth to my 2nd child.  The secret to why I didn't know (other than being raised under a rock)? I had midwives (not on purpose, the doctor bailed during my first tri-mester & that was her replacement.  I did love the midwives to pieces though. But that's another blog for another day.).  Anyhoo I was sent home with Castor Oil (& OJ) to drink the day I was due with Austin.  I'd been super dilated for about a month.  I thought this was to speed up the birthing process.  I was young.  I didn't realize until years later it was to clean out the bowels.  Well, duh.  So fastforward to a month before I was due with Xav and sitting in the midwife waiting room and I read about it in a magazine.  You can poop while pushing?  I guess it makes sense... Fast-even-more-forward to birthing Xav.  Right in front of (formerly known as) hubby (aka bio-dad) and Twin I pushed a turd out.  Thank God there weren't more witnessed.  Thank Him again that after you go through the birthing process once, my modesty was out the window and I wasn't embarassed at all!  The nurse cleaned it and grabbed the kiddo.  If you want to learn more on this subject, because you don't know about it either (you have also been living under a rock)... than Google It.  I'm in no way, shape, or form a medical advisory person.

3. Since we're on the TMI subject... Things to try and NEVER do in a lifetime... Austin came in the bathroom to find that Mommy forgot to flush after using the toilet.  And left him a bloody (I DID SAY IT WAS TMI... RIGHT??) mess.  Thanks Eve, for the periods.  I will be Ovary Punching you for it when I meet you in Heaven...  He was all 'MOOOOM!!! THAT'S GROOSSS!! TRY AND FLUSH THE TOILET!!"  Now I swear on a stack of Bibles that I ALWAYS flush.  Heck, I DOUBLE flush.  I'm one of those that wipe (yep TMI) at least four times... until the paper is clean!! My fanny is clean.  And the toilet is always flushed.  I'm the mom who cleans the toilets.  And it'd be gross not to.  But not this moment.  Nope.  I was having a really bad menstural day.  One of those because I was in the bathroom every 1/2 hour because I could've swore I was hemorraghing down my leg (it wasn't... but the paranoia made me think it..).  So it was one of these blessed times... Not only did I leave a Home Toilet unflushed... but my Office toilet too (where Butch found it... ugh).. Like I said... it was a bad I-hate-Eve-for-giving-us-periods KIND OF A DAY!!

4.  I never thought I'd have cats.   I need to explain this one.  We've always had One Cat.  One indoor/outdoor one that we never got fixed or took to a vet.  Kind of like a stray that you'd affectionately name & feed, but it didn't need a litter box and it went in & out like it pleased.  We now have 3, and 1 of them is nursing 5 babies... 1 of which we might be keeping!! I scoop the litter box twice a day (can't have it smellig like the boogers!!).  They have an auto-dry-feeder.  AND they climb on me at 6am sharp, every morning, for their can of wet food that they share.  Can we say spoiled?  Yes, they are!

5.  I never thought that I'd live more than an hour from my mom & sisters.  (And the Sisters live states/countries away.)  *Sigh*

6. I never thought I'd have a child with ADHD.  Another Honesty moment.  My mom babysit hyper kids when I was younger.  I didn't really believe in ADHD.  I always thought it was an Overdiagnosis for "too damn lazy to put your foot down when raising your kids."  I have to apologize for that comment.  I was soooo wrong.  Granted, I think there are children that fall under that category.  Their parents are too busy trying to party/do their illegal activities... so drugging them keeps them mellow.  But those aren't all kids.  There are so many, like my Xav, that genuinely have behavior issues that are NOT his fault.  Not the fault of how I acted when I was pregnant.  Not the fault of his sugar/food coloring in food intake. 

7. This is a two-fer.  I never thought I'd live in an apartment.  AND.  I never thought I'd be a landlord.  I just didn't.  I grew up in Oregon, and poor, and figured we'd have a trailer on a spot somewhere.  And I was just fine with that.  It'd be cute and clean and kept nice.  And the complex we live at now is real cute and nice.  3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms.  I'm not complaining.  I like it.  The rent/water/sewer/garbage/his cell phone is paid.  So I'm not complaining :)  The Landlord thing?  Also something that never crossed my mind.  I always wanted to be a Mommy.  And I've always been good with numbers & office stuff.  Now I just get the luxury of doing all of those at once.  With an office that's where I live, maybe 100 feet from my front door.  Works pretty good for us.
7/16/2012 21:00:31

I'm glad that NONE of these are a suprise to me ... cause if you have revelations on the blog before over the phone ... I may have to mail you rotten eggs! Poor Austin! And that nose! And the bathroom and his Mom! oh that's YOU ... riiiight.

7/17/2012 05:14:50

And you think Lar is gross for farting around you....

7/17/2012 17:33:03

Ha ha ha Girls. Ha ha. And you know I'll ALWAYS share my Moments (TMI or otherwise) with you over the Phone FIRST before sharing it with anyone else. Duh. Why else do you think I keep you on SpeedDial??

9/28/2012 08:39:19

Only you can do TMI and make it fun to read!


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    Dear Twin... sometimes words come out of my mouth before my brain has a chance to stop them... well aint that the life...


    Some people make parenting look sooo easy.  They are big fat liar pants.  Parenting is hard.  Kids can be awful.  They don't come with an Instruction Manual.  I started young and have grown up with them.  We have gone through a lot together.  And I would have never been able to do it without the wonderful family I have.  I started blogging because of Twin.  She said that it wasn't nice of me to take a Bad Day out on the Hubby or the Brats.  And so this began.... it's my Rantings From The Time Out Corner... because, let's face it - when I'm full on Cranky Pants... my hubby doesn't fail to make me go Sit One Out for the Team.  (for more see ME above)

    I would like your thoughts, help, comments, feedback. I am not a robot!

    No matter how serious life gets, you still gotta have that one person you can be completely stupid with