Scene: Butch & I are sitting on one couch & Timmy is on the other.
Here's What Actually Happened:
Timmy to us:
"You know how child support was garnished out of this check ...and that put a damper on all of my plans to saving $$ and move out...and I'm a grown man and it's really discouraging that I have to live with you guys. I know you let me out of Love, and I really appreciate you for it. My check was only $278 and I gave y'all $60 and bought myself three packs of smokes and got myself a few things I really needed at Walmart and now I only have $5 left for the next two weeks.. Well I promised Stacey for the past three weeks that I would take her out to dinner today at the local mexican restaurant, but now I don't have any money for that. I was hoping I could make her something from here. Would that be ok? I noticed some steaks you have in the frig. If you're not doing anything with them, can I use them? And maybe something to go with it...?
Here's What I Heard:
Timmy to us:
"Hi Mom! Does Dad really have to be sitting here while I ask you a ??. It's much easier to talk to you when he's not here!! Oh well... here goes... As you can tell, I've blown all of my pacheck in the past few hours. I'm slightly drunk, and stoned out of my mind and I have the munchies. I'm so hungry, but my poor as hell trailer park girl has no food either, and I'm hoping if I cook for her that I can get laid & spend the night at her house tonight. Since my paycheck is being garnished for child support, and I don't have anyone else I can live with and can't afford to live anywhere other than a cardboard box on the side of the road - I'm going to live with you until alcohol poisoning kills me. Is it ok if I take your food to go cook for her so I can try and look cool (although she will totally know it's your food)? You're the best!"
Even more comical was me trying to help him "pick out" food from our pantry.
"What are you going to cook with the steaks?"
"Uhhhh... I don't know.... some veggies?"(Weird! On a good day, he's a fantastic cook...)
"The only veggies we have right now is my salads, maybe Stacey has a can of something? Try a box of mashed potatoes or pasta?"
"Ummmm (scrunched face look of someone STONED and has no effing clue). That looks like a lot of work! (Deeper frown)"
"You did say you're going to cook for her...."
So he went and rooted around in his bedroom for a backpack & loads up his treasures and heads for her apt.
I turn to Butch "Drunk or Stoned?"