Thank you for making it almost Friday
Dear Customer Service Rep
Thank you for prank calling my Thursday
Dear Caller I.D.
Thank you for alerting me to the Toll Free caller calling me
Dear Bags Under My Eyes,
I would appreciate it if you could take a nap. And go away.
Dear Hair Under My Pits,
I've shaved you once this morning. Really, once should be enough for the day.
Dear Sore Buttocks,
Mr Gilad on his workout video said that you would be changing. He didn't mention the Pain. Sorry about the pain.
Thank you for bringing me super-fast wifi in my living room. I heart you.
Thank you for being such an entertaining show. I am thoroughly addicted.
Please stop sliding down my legs
I would appreciate it if you would hurry up and grow that last inch I need for a ponytail without barrettes. (I mean on my head, not on my legs.) I would appreciate it a lot.
I hope you are enjoying my letters to you.
Looking forward to the next two weeks of having you in the home. Please don't dissapoint me.
Dear Step Mom-In-Law,
If you can not screw up the next two weeks I won't have to pick up chain-smoking and drinking as habits.
Please have a nice five days at your dads. No I'm not sending you there because I'm in desperate need of a time out.
Dear Baby Sis,
I hope your doc apt goes good today. I'm telling you. It's genetics. Ask your mom.
I hope you are enjoying packing your ped-ometer with you as you work today. Tell me, did you get lots of steps in?
I apologize in advance if I break the promise to be on my very best behavior when your parents are here.
Please don't swallow the yarn ball you are having fun tangling yourself in.
Please stop banging all the Toms in the neighborhood. They're fixed. You're not. Nuf said.
Dear Luggage Of Kids,
Are you done packing yourself yet? I waved the magic wand and said the words. Don't make me light you on fire.