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The past few weeks I've hit exhausted.  There's just no getting around it.  Dragging ass. Drop bottom. Exhausted.  Now I've always been a morning person.  Hit the ground running, wide awake, raring to go, bright-and-early.  But lately I hit the snooze four times, and go from my morning-anticipated-workout-at-445 to jumping-thru-shower-at-545 so I can get the kids up at 6. Bleery eyed and droopy tailed.  My mood swings are awful to boot.  I've tried getting some sort of hormonal level out pill (much to my complete firmness against taking pills.  I live with too many pill popping Tweakers to make me want to take something that alters my state of mind.  But I've grown into Bitch with a Capital B on too many occasions.  Andasmuchas my kids seem to swing with it with ease, my poor Butch has gotten to sleeping with sharp objects under his pillow and glaring at me from behind his "how to kill her without getting caught" magazines that are hidden under hardback books like "The Webster Dictionary".) I'm going to just start googling random things like "natural vitamins to make you Not Want to Punch them  in the Eye for doind what ever they do to make those stupid noises!"

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I've hit a stale mate and an Ugly on the whole Weight Loss battle.  I keep going to and fro on this stupid topic.  Yes.  I've lost some weight.  In 11 months I've dropped 40 lbs.  Ok so that was done from May 1 to about Nov 1.  And since Nov I've yo-yo'd to & fro in a 6lb swing.  I know - the 150's aren't bad.  I don't have an ass in the front.  And Butch hearts my ass in the back. (What?? TMI for ya??) It's not that.  I wasted a good chunk of time last night cruising thru random blogs about Weight Loss Success peoples.  I found a crap ton of "I'm a vegan now! Because my body runs so much better for it!" And "I love to yoga, spin, and run marathons!" Along with "check out these five thousand and one low calorie dynamite meals that are made with ingredients that YOU obviously don'tnowandneverhave bought but should start so that you can make this yummy concoction that willhelpyoudropthatlast20lbs and feelgoodaboutyourselfdoingit."  And I just get a little angry and a lot perterbed.  Not at these people.  HUGE HUGE HUGE props to them.  My hat goes off to them.  Losing weight IS HARD and it SUCKS and finding AND KEEPING the MOTIVATION is EVEN HARDER.  When I started it was because I hit an ENOUGH point.  I had had enough of wearing size 16/18 jeans and not being able to see my feet when I was standing, and being told I looked pregnant, and weighing more than when I was full term when I was pregnant, and not being able to see my thighs to shave them in the shower.  I had hit an ENOUGH point and I was MEGA STRESSED.  At that time there was far too many of us living in my 4 bedroom apartment.  Me & Butch (the hubster), my chihuhua mix & kitty, my 12 & 9 year old boys (sharing a room), Butch's bro & his pit bull (sharing a room), and Butch's 19 year old & his bff (sharing a room).  It was crowded, to say the least.  I focused on a) staying on top of the house, b) working out every day (around working FT), c) sadistictly watching what I ate.  And it worked.  And than it has plateaued.  And I sooo want to lose 20 more pounds.  Why? I have No Freaking Idea.  Because I am never happy with my body.  And - frankly - I'm just not happy with enough stuff.  And I take it out on the unlistening obnoxious SpoiledBratsIveCaused kids with my snide comments that hormones don't help control.  And exhaustion taunts me.  And I jump back on the tryingtoworkoutfourtofivetimesweekly bandwagon and tryingtowatcheverythingIeatforfearofgainingmyweightback bandwagon.  And some days it's really really an emotional chaos.  Do I want to be That Woman? The one that blogs daily about every morsel I eat?  Someone is there and does that.  And She is great at it!  But She ISN'T Me.  I don't want to do that.  I prefer to live my life quietly out of the radar. 

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I want to just be at Peace.  I know what the answer is.  To stop swearing and know everything is going to be ok.  He likes to Poke Me and Say I'M HERE!  Will I still benefit if I can get my hands on some hormone-leveling vitamins?  I don't want to be moody anymore.  I want to be able to be Supermom and juggle it all like I used to when I was young. WITHOUT having off-the-wall mood swings that make me want to have a root canal without novacaine. So to cheer me up I found Yasmine at http://catversushuman.blogspot.com/p/about.html
She is f-a-b-u-l-o-u-s.

**And as a disclaimer, NO I'm not PMSing. The Amazing Aunt Flo just left my house a few days



Twin
4/15/2012 13:02:36

SorRy twin ... Vitamins? Exercise? God?

Reply
Bex
4/15/2012 18:53:41

1. Need to buy some
2. Gonna get back on that bandwagon today
3. YES MA'AM. On the TOP of the Priority List of things

Reply



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    RANTINGS
    FROM
    THE
    TIME
    OUT
    CORNER.....

    Dear Twin... sometimes words come out of my mouth before my brain has a chance to stop them... well aint that the life...

    Bex

    Some people make parenting look sooo easy.  They are big fat liar pants.  Parenting is hard.  Kids can be awful.  They don't come with an Instruction Manual.  I started young and have grown up with them.  We have gone through a lot together.  And I would have never been able to do it without the wonderful family I have.  I started blogging because of Twin.  She said that it wasn't nice of me to take a Bad Day out on the Hubby or the Brats.  And so this began.... it's my Rantings From The Time Out Corner... because, let's face it - when I'm full on Cranky Pants... my hubby doesn't fail to make me go Sit One Out for the Team.  (for more see ME above)

    CONTACT ME!
    I would like your thoughts, help, comments, feedback. I am not a robot!
    bextwinz@gmail.com

    Motto:
    No matter how serious life gets, you still gotta have that one person you can be completely stupid with 

    I STALK THESE....

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    TWIN
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    RONI