Last night I was in a mood. It had been a long crazy busy weekend. It had been payday. The one day a month that I long for and loathe equally. This one I went grocery shopping first, picked up some well needed clothes for the urchins second, and cried over what little was left as a remainder third.
I was in a pit last night. My OCD housekeeping issues were scared and crying in the corner.
SCREW THE HOUSE!
SCREW THE LAUNDRY!
SCREW THE DISHES!
SCREW THE MESS!
And as I was watching the season finale of Shameless (which I'm hopelessly addicted to), it hit me...
As long as I have Butch, and Austin & Xav (and Twin, Rue, parentals...).
It's going to be ok.
I have a job, a place to live, a car to drive, and food on the table. The rest is all relative. We aren't homeless. And even if the money rolls in, feeds us, pays a few things, and rolls back out again. We're ok.
I have to remember that.
I have to focus on that.
And I really REALLY REALLY REALLY need to learn out to INTERNALIZE the Freak Out. Because I only spend all night beating myself up over the fact that I tend to LOUDLY VOCALIZE my frustrations at Butch, while the kiddos can not only hear BUT comprehend what the hell is going on.
We have us.
It'll be ok.
And this morning I'm back to doing what I do.... sitting in the office doing paperwork, while running laundry loads through. At 2:15 I'll close up for the day, walk down and get Xav from school. I'll get my 30 min work out in (it keeps me sane). Than I'll attack the dishes, picking up the house, throwing some food at the kids... until Xav has batting practice 6-7 (which I have to drag a cranky Austin to because Butch is gone out of town for the day... and probly won't be home til the evening). After practice I'll fold and put away the crapload of laundry. Why? Because I function better with it all done. It's what I do.
I was in a pit last night. My OCD housekeeping issues were scared and crying in the corner.
SCREW THE HOUSE!
SCREW THE LAUNDRY!
SCREW THE DISHES!
SCREW THE MESS!
And as I was watching the season finale of Shameless (which I'm hopelessly addicted to), it hit me...
As long as I have Butch, and Austin & Xav (and Twin, Rue, parentals...).
It's going to be ok.
I have a job, a place to live, a car to drive, and food on the table. The rest is all relative. We aren't homeless. And even if the money rolls in, feeds us, pays a few things, and rolls back out again. We're ok.
I have to remember that.
I have to focus on that.
And I really REALLY REALLY REALLY need to learn out to INTERNALIZE the Freak Out. Because I only spend all night beating myself up over the fact that I tend to LOUDLY VOCALIZE my frustrations at Butch, while the kiddos can not only hear BUT comprehend what the hell is going on.
We have us.
It'll be ok.
And this morning I'm back to doing what I do.... sitting in the office doing paperwork, while running laundry loads through. At 2:15 I'll close up for the day, walk down and get Xav from school. I'll get my 30 min work out in (it keeps me sane). Than I'll attack the dishes, picking up the house, throwing some food at the kids... until Xav has batting practice 6-7 (which I have to drag a cranky Austin to because Butch is gone out of town for the day... and probly won't be home til the evening). After practice I'll fold and put away the crapload of laundry. Why? Because I function better with it all done. It's what I do.
